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8 Questions for Making Better Choices

I’m a big fan of Malcolm Gladwell. His particular genius for collecting data and weaving together fresh insights has produced a wealth of practical wisdom to help us improve the quality of our lives.

But nobody’s perfect.

I disqualified Mr. Gladwell for sainthood after coming across his 2004 Ted Talk, in which he recounted the career of one Howard Moskowitz, a psychophysicist whose market research for Pepsi Cola, Vlasic Pickles, and Prego Spaghetti Sauce — beginning back in the early 70s — changed the food industry forever. It might seem obvious to us with the wisdom of hindsight but, to make a long story short, Howard Moskowitz discovered that there is no perfect pickle, no ideal type of cola, and no universal favorite recipe for spaghetti sauce.

As a result, we’ve ended up with:

  • 7 different kinds of vinegar
  • 14 different types of mustard
  • 36 varieties of Ragu spaghetti sauce
  • 71 variations of olive oil.

And as options increase, prices go up.  But Mr. Gladwell tells us it’s all worth it:

That is the final, and I think most beautiful lesson, of Howard Moskowitz: that in embracing the diversity of human beings, we will find a surer way to true happiness.

And it is here that Malcolm Gladwell exits the highway of reason by turning off onto the backstreets of phantasmagoria.

Click to read the rest.

Take Pleasure in Taking the High Road

We all know that two wrongs don’t make a right.  But does one right cancel out one wrong?

There’s a good chance you believe that it does.  Research suggests that our brains are wired to think of a good deed as a kind of get-out-of-jail-free card.

Psychologists call it licensing.  It works like this:

You come home from a hard workout at the gym and immediately sit down to a double-helping of ice cream with chocolate syrup and whipped cream. The virtuous behavior of exercising makes you feel better about yourself, which then gives you license to indulge the less virtuous behavior of overdosing on sugar.  The responsible act of taking care of yourself makes it easier to rationalize letting yourself go.

But Aaron Garvey and Lisa Bolton of the University of Kentucky have discovered that it goes even further than that.

WE ARE WHAT WE THINK

In their research, they took two groups of volunteers and gave them cookies to eat.  The cookies were identical for each group, but in one group they were labeled “healthy.”  After finishing their cookies, the subjects were given candy.

As the psychology of licensing would suggest, subjects who had eaten the “healthy” cookies ate more candy than the other group.  But not for the reason we might have thought.

Garvey and Bolton measured not only the amount of candy eaten but also the amount of pleasure experienced from the candy.  They found that the candy actually tasted better to the people who believed they had eaten healthy cookies.

Professor Garvey identified two implications from his research.  First, if we do something virtuous before indulging in pleasure, we can actually make the experience of pleasure more pleasurable.

Second, if we reframe our attitude toward responsibilties and acts of virtue by thinking of them as commitments that we want to do rather than obligations that we have to do, we can make vices less attractive and protect ourselves from the damaging fallout of licensing.

THE MOST ENDURING PLEASURE

These two implications teach us an electrifying lesson in human free will.  Through disciplined thinking, I can choose whether to make my self-indulgence more or less pleasurable.  And that discipline takes the form of how motivated I am to choose virtue over vice.

In other words, do I want to trick my brain into getting more pleasure from healthy acts or from unhealthy acts?  And if getting more psychological pleasure from virtue means that I’ll become less interested in the physical pleasure of vice, why would I ever want to choose vice over virtue?

We know from experience that physical pleasure is nothing more than psychological junk food.  Enjoyments of the flesh feel good in the heat of the moment, but they leave a pleasure vacuum the instant they’re over.  In contrast, emotional pleasures linger, and profound emotional satisfaction endures long after the source of pleasure has passed.

Most of all, the warm feelings we can get from family, community, and the sense of contribution to a higher purpose stay with us constantly.  The less we distract ourselves with empty physical gratification, the more intense and continuous those emotional pleasures become.

King Solomon says, One who loves pleasure will be a man of want, and one who loves wine and oil will never become rich.

In a society that has increasingly debased the nobility of human emotion, people say that they love their cars, they love to sleep, they love to go to the beach, they love steak and wine.  But if these are the objects of our love, what emotion is left for us to feel for our husbands and our wives, for our parents and our children, for the sources of inspiration that beckon us to moderate our lust and pursue loftier, more satisfying ideals?

The comics page can give us a chuckle, but it doesn’t enrich our minds like a good story.  A jingle on the radio might get stuck in our head, but it doesn’t move the heart like a symphony. A passing flirtation may set us briefly a-tingle, but it is a sorry substitute for a lifetime of commitment.

Anything worthwhile requires investment and effort.  Life is too short to squander it on fleeting pleasures when there is so much real joy for us to find.

Published in Jewish World Review

10 ways to stay honest in a dishonest world

Who doesn’t like a good story?

After spending my prodigal youth hitchhiking cross country and circling the globe, living abroad for a decade, and teaching high school for over 20 years, I have a few stories to tell.

But it still happens that friends and neighbors occasionally respond to my recollections by asking: “Did that really happen?”

Are my tales so truly unbelievable? I never claimed to have helped Edison invent the light bulb or to have masterminded the Normandy invasion.

I’ve merely looked for the story within the story, plucking insights from slightly quirky encounters and offering a bit wisdom from my observations on the human condition.

“I loved your article,” someone will say. And then, predictably: “Did that really happen?”

I even get it from my mother.

To be honest, it should come as no surprise. After all, honesty has seen its market value tumble over the years with countless reports of plagiarism, factual carelessness, and blatant fabrication.

But as troubling as such prevarication may be from the media, it’s far more disheartening when it becomes the norm among our political leaders.

The sad truth is that we expect our politicians to lie. But the brazenness with which they conjure up easily verifiable falsehoods grows ever more astonishing.

Once integrity disappears, the only motive not to lie is fear of not getting away with it — and in a society that has grown indifferent to lying, there are rarely consequences for even the most brazen lies.

And that has consequences for all of us.

But there is something we can do.

Click to read the rest.

You never know…

Find your Focus-Factor

Many years ago, when my eldest son was about six years old, I introduced him to Chutes and Ladders, the next board game up from Candyland on the sophistication scale. Nothing but luck, the game nevertheless contains an engaging element of the unpredictable, as any roll of the die can rocket you up a ladder to the top or send you plummeting down a slide to the bottom.

My son took to the game immediately, and we bonded while moving our respective pieces up and down the board. And then, with fatherly foresight, I waited for the moment of supreme joy and excitement as my son counted his piece onto the 100 mark at the top of the playing grid.

“You won!” I cried out, expecting him to respond with elation.

Instead, my son looked at the board, looked at me, and burst into tears.

“What’s wrong?” I exclaimed, genuinely flummoxed.

“I don’t want the game to be over!” he bawled.

Oh, if only they could stay six years old forever.

It’s worth examining what happens as we grow older that makes us lose the joy of the game in our headlong pursuit of victory. Maybe it’s that we’re not paying attention. Maybe it’s that we’re paying too much attention.

Or maybe it’s both.

Click to read the rest.

3 Tips to Program your Internal GPS

To drive in Israel can be described as a near-death experience.

In some ways it’s better than it used to be. Traffic has gotten so dense that drivers simply cannot indulge the reckless habits that once prevailed. It’s hard to bob and weave when your car is stuck in gridlock.

But when the traffic starts moving, the experience can be harrowing, made all the more stressful as you try to find your way along unfamiliar boulevards and position yourself to make quick turns with little notice.

Thank heaven for Waze. Just plug in your destination, follow the directions, and voila!

Then something strange happened.

Click to read the rest.

5 Strategies for Avoiding Pain Avoidance

Adapted from an article originally published by Pick The Brain.

Are you a parent? If so, you’ve probably experienced a scenario like this one:

You run to see what your too-quiet two year old has gotten into and find him playing with the snow-globe your sister brought back from her trip to Switzerland last year. Since this is not the best toy for a toddler, you smile at your child and gently take the snow-globe out of his hands.

That’s when the screaming begins.

What do you do? Do you endure the shrieking child or give back the snow-globe?

If you’re normal, your thinking probably works its way through the following steps:

1.     He can’t really hurt himself with the snow-globe

2.     He probably won’t break the snow-globe

3.     I never really liked the snow-globe anyway

4.     If he does break it, it’s no big deal to clean it up

5.     So is it really worth making him miserable by taking it away?

But we’re not really worried about the child’s misery, are we? We’re more concerned about ourselves.

In the end, the odds are pretty good you’re going to let the toddler keep the snow-globe.

But the real issue isn’t the snow-globe; it’s the lesson you’ve just taught your child:

Click here to read the rest.

Reclaiming Civility

A child’s brain is like a sponge, absorbing everything with which it comes in contact. As the brain gets older it learns to process, to analyze, to interpret. And eventually it begins to slow, begins to forget, begins to lose function.

Few prospects are as forbidding as mental decline, the specter of which haunts us as we advance toward old age. And so the experts tell us to keep our minds active, that using the brain is the surest way to stave off mental deterioration.

  • Crossword puzzles
  • Sudoku
  • Word games
  • Logic problems

These are common recipes from the diet books for the mind. But don’t stop there; the more creative and more challenging, the better for your brain.

  • Go traveling
  • Take up knitting or gardening
  • Learn Italian
  • Drive a different way to work
  • Get an advanced degree

Anything and everything that piques cognitive activity belongs in our catalogue of mental health activities.

“That’s all good,” says Barbara Strauch, author of The Secret Life of the Grown-Up Brain: The Surprising Talents of the Middle-Aged Mind and New York Times health and medical science editor. But the most intriguing advice Ms. Strauch has heard is this:

Click here to read the rest.

Sight Unseen

Tapping the Power of Hidden Potential

From this week’s Jewish World Review

A mutated spider bites Peter Parker and transforms him into Spiderman.  Steve Rogers receives and injection of super-soldier serum and develops into Captain America.  David Banner doses himself with gamma rays and mutates into the Incredible Hulk.

These are the fantastic tales of American comic book culture, in which ordinary people find themselves suddenly endowed with extraordinary powers and thrust, willingly or unwillingly, into the role of heroes.  Indeed, who among us hasn’t fantasized about acquiring superpowers and using them to conquer his personal demons or to save the world?

But what if it weren’t a fantasy?

In 2006, Derek Amato dove into the shallow end of a swimming pool and stuck his head against the concrete bottom.  The resulting concussion left him with chronic headaches and sensitivity to light, it also turned him into a musical virtuoso.  Lacking either musical training or the ability to read music, Mr. Amato’s fingers dance over a keyboard like Mikhail Baryshnikov on a stage.  He doesn’t know how he does it, but his life has been utterly transformed.

His case is not unique.  After suffering a head injury in a childhood fall, Alonzo Clemens began producing exceptionally lifelike clay sculptures.  A 10-year-old boy knocked unconscious by a baseball acquired the ability to do calendar calculations: he now remembers every detail of every minute of his life.  A 58-year-old builder became an artist and poet in the wake of a stroke.  A teenage boy woke up speaking fluent Spanish after he was hit in the head by a soccer ball.

Examples of acquired-savant, or accidental genius, go on and on.  Who knows what potential for greatness lies within every one of us?

ILLUMINATING THE DARKNESS

One of the most compelling episodes from Jewish history is the story of Rabbi Akiva.  He was an illiterate shepherd, content with his life as a simple laborer until his wife Rachel recognized his potential for greatness.  At her urging, the 40-year-old Akiva found a kindergarten teacher to instruct him in the Hebrew aleph-beis so that he might learn to read and study.

But Akiva’s adult brain found the challenge of childhood learning too formidable a task.  Dispirited over his failure, he was ready to abandon his efforts.  But then he came upon a large stone marred by a curious indentation.  When he inquired where the hollow in the stone had come from, he was told that the steady dripping of water over time had worn away the solid rock.

“If water can make an impression on stone,” he said to himself, “then surely the wisdom of the ages can make an impression on me.”

With that, he returned to his studies.  Over the course of the next 24 years, he developed into the greatest sage in the history of his people, second only to Moses the Lawgiver.

TRIAL AND ERROR

But Rabbi Akiva’s life was not without hardship.  He witnessed the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem and the bloody suppression of the Bar Kochba rebellion against the Roman Empire.  Worst of all, he saw the apparent undoing of all he had accomplished with the death of his many students.

At the height of his career, Rabbi Akiva oversaw an academy of 24,000 talmudists, a generation of scholars virtually unparalleled in their intellectual prowess.  But something went wrong.  For all their brilliance and erudition, these students somehow failed to fully absorb Rabbi Akiva’s fundamental lesson to love one’s fellow as oneself.  They were not openly uncivil.  But their academic accomplishment infected them with a whisper of overconfidence, which ever-so-slightly eroded the respect they showed for one another.

For such exceptional students, blessed with the greatest of teachers, this tiny flaw proved fatal.  A mysterious plague began killing them off in horrifying numbers, and the survivors refused to look within themselves toward self-improvement until they too succumbed.  Over the course of seven weeks, the entire academy was wiped out, and the light of its wisdom extinguished.

Rabbi Akiva might have mourned his failure and retreated into despondency.  But the same resolution that drove him forward decades earlier steeled him in the face of tragedy.  He renewed his efforts and, with a handful of disciples, rebuilt all that was lost and secured the future of the Jewish people.

One of his protégés was Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai, whose life and accomplishments were celebrated this week with the Jewish holiday of Lag B’Omer.  Building upon his teacher’s wisdom, he brought a new light of inspiration into the world, dispelling the suffering and confusion of exile by revealing the divine wisdom of eternity with a radiance that has inspired the Jewish people for nearly 2000 years.

THE LIGHT OF PERSEVERANCE

Heroism is not solely the stuff of comic books or legend.  If a blow to the head can actualize hidden talents and abilities, what does that tell us about the potential that lies dormant within every human mind and heart?  We may never become Vincent Van Gogh or Itzhak Perlman, but with persistence and determination any one of us can unlock talents and abilities we never imagined we might have.

In a way, the impatient, unfocused predisposition of contemporary culture might work to our benefit.  In a world where everyone thrives on instant and effortless gratification, the competition for genuine achievement grows less and less.  If 90% of life is just showing up, the advantage of those who truly apply themselves grows exponential.

The real measure of success is not money, fame, or power.  It lies in self-respect, and in the respect we earn from people of quality who still recognize the virtues of discipline, refinement, and integrity.  Pursue those values with sincerity, and every other blessing will follow.

Read more articles at Jewish World Review