Blog: The Ethical Echo Chamber
Post-Victory let-downs are for the birds
Why do people gamble? Obviously, they do it for the rush of adrenaline they feel when they win. No?
No.
At least not according to Professor Jessica Stagner of the University of Florida.
Professor Stagner and her colleagues hoped to find support for evidence indicating that gamblers feel the same thrill of excitement when they almost win as they do when they actually win. To do so, they created an experiment in which pigeons had to peck at colored markers in order to receive hidden rewards.
That’s right: Pigeons.
And what did they discover? Although pigeons are willing to take a risk for a bigger payday, they only like it when they win. People, on the other hand, are excited by a close loss almost as much as a big win.
In other words, pigeons are smarter than people.
The researchers speculate that a near-miss creates the illusion that we have control over situations that are largely random. This is similar to the hypothesis that people embrace conspiracy theories because they find a world manipulated by sinister puppet-masters less frightening than one in which events unfold for no reason at all.
But there may be a more profound lesson to these studies. Because in one sense, approaching success can truly be more satisfying than success itself.
Do you remember the last time you…
- read a really engrossing novel?
- watched a gripping action movie?
- worked on a challenging business project?
- went on a date when all the chemistry was working just right?
Do you remember the excitement, the elation of living in the moment, the expectation of what was to come?
And do you remember the bittersweet commingling of fulfillment and disappointment when it was over?
In truth, we love to win much more than we love to have won.
Why?
Because at the very moment of success, victory, conquest, or completion, we have to face the inevitable question:
Where do I go from here?
On the other hand, there’s nothing quite like the keen pleasure of watching success draw near, of feeling that victory is nearly within our grasp. And even when things don’t go our way in the end, we can still bask in the glow of that tantalizing instant when we felt triumph waiting right around the corner.
The mistake we so often make is to focus on our goals with such single-mindedness that we forget to enjoy the process of attaining them. The first day of an adventure is usually the most exciting, for it is filled with possibility and mystery, while every successive day brings us closer to the moment when it will all be over.
So what can we do to preserve the thrill of near-victory?
Here are a few suggestions:
Make the process the goal. Of course we have to get work done, fill quotas, and meet deadlines. But focusing on the quality of work, the feeling of genuine achievement, and the camaraderie of collaborative effort sweetens both the journey and the destination.
Think in rest-stops, not end-points. Almost any task can be seen as part of a larger mission, project, or game plan. Have in mind the next logical phase for connecting each point of completion with a new beginning.
Exchange star and supporting roles. Often, we can accomplish more as partners. Recruit a colleague to add his or her area of expertise to your project and contribute your expertise to hers or his. Both projects will be likely to be completed better and ahead of schedule, and you’ll end up with two victories instead of one.
King Solomon teaches, Fortunate is the one who listens for me, attentively waiting at my doors day by day, keeping watch by the doorposts of my entryways.
It is not so much what we find on the other side of each door, but the anticipation of always looking for the next opportunity and the next challenge, of looking forward to each victory not as an end unto itself but as a stepping stone to the many victories that will follow.
Each step up the stairway to success leads to the next one. So it’s worth remembering that the moment we reach to top of one step we are immediately at the bottom of the next one.
And keep in mind that if we do reach the rooftop, we might find ourselves only in the company of pigeons.
Adapted from an article originally published in Pick the Brian.
The French battle for ethics
What is the world coming to?
It’s truly a sign of the times when France – of all nations – is leading the way in ethics reform. This is the country that for decades has destabilized the world by selling weapons to and buying oil from any regime willing to do business; it’s the culture that embraced casual illegitimacy centuries before the institution of marriage began crumbling elsewhere around the globe; and it’s the government that has recently taken the war on terror to its beaches by banning Muslim women from wearing “burkinis,” apparently based on the presumption that modesty leads to suicide bombings.
Then there are the endless tales of cronyism, kickbacks, and embezzlement among the political elites. Former President Nicolas Sarkozy gave himself a 170% raise shortly after taking office.
But there’s a new sheriff in town – President Emmanuel Macron – whose justice minister François Bayrou introduced sweeping ethics legislation last week into a system that has shown little interest in ethics.
Among the list of proposals we find:
- A ban on nepotism in appointments to government positions
- Increased scrutiny over the use of public money
- Stronger penalties for political corruption
- A public bank to finance and control political party funds
These are all worthy and admirable steps to restore a measure of integrity to a morally dysfunctional system. But they also demonstrate how imposing the battle for ethics really is.
THE EYE OF THE LAW
There are two ways of looking at legislation in general. The more common perspective views legality as the border-crossing of culpability. On one side of the line are things I’m allowed to do; on the other side of the line are things I get punished if I get caught doing.
And there’s the rub. It’s only illegal if I get caught, the conventional thinking goes. When that attitude becomes the accepted norm, inevitably the gray area of ethical ambiguity starts to spread like nuclear fallout, leaving in its wake countless casualties of radioactive rationalizing and moral mutation.
But what if instead we look at the law as an expression of civil values and responsibilities? Then we come away with an entirely different mindset, one in which the law is something to be upheld, not circumvented. And when that viewpoint takes hold, everything else begins to look different.
Imagine if the narrative inside our heads sounded like this:
- I don’t cheat on my taxes because I’m a member of a society that values honesty, not because I’m afraid of the IRS.
- I seek out the owner of a lost wallet because I empathize with his distress, not because the law might punish me if I don’t.
- I trip the fleeing purse snatcher and return the handbag to the little old lady not because there’s a Good Samaritan law, but because I see myself as a good citizen.
THE LETTER OF THE LAW
Really, laws should only be necessary as protection against miscreants and as a guide to morally ambiguous conflicts of interest. Instead of searching for loopholes that allow us to pervert the intent of legislation, we should seek to glean the spirit that guided those who designed the law and contemplate how we can contribute to a more civil society.
King Solomon says, The performance of justice is joy to the righteous, but ruinous to the workers of corruption.
There is no greater joy than the feeling that comes from benefiting others through selflessness and service, from the sense of integrity that swells in our hearts when we know we’ve honored the values of society without being goaded by the fear of punishment that haunts the unscrupulous day and night.
So kudos to the French for their efforts to re-establish basic ethical standards in government. But to have any hope of real change, we must return to seeing the law as a foundation for moral conduct, not a snare of reprisal to be skirted at every opportunity.
After all, wouldn’t you rather live in a world where others think more about what they can contribute than what they can get away with? Isn’t the best first step to start thinking that way yourself?
Strangers on a Train
There is an art to travelling with small children by public transportation.
We had managed to balance our seven bags in and atop our two baby strollers. Needless to say, this left them unavailable for babies. My wife, Sara, shifted one-year-old Jake into long-distance-hip-riding mode while our new friend Blythe did the same with her own one-year-old, Joshie. Zeke and I, the husbands and designated sherpas, prepared to push the makeshift luggage carts.
The problem was, we had no idea where we were going.
Sara and I had arrived in Budapest less than a week earlier, and our feelings of apprehension had been deepening by the hour. Through the mercy of divine intervention, the principal of our new school was on our flight from Israel. Otherwise, we might have taken up residence in Ferihegy International Airport like Tom Hanks in The Terminal.
A haze of disorientation enveloped us almost immediately, progressively growing thicker and darker. Principal Haraszti – whose name I soon began to slur into Horrorstory – deposited us in our apartment with a loaf of bread, a bag of apples, and a box of milk. There was no crib for Jake and no bed for three-year-old Abby. Horrorstory promised to call the next morning, which he did – an hour late. Relief, if not gratitude, came naturally. We had no money, had yet to find anyone who spoke English, and didn’t know our own address or phone number.
Why had no preparations been made? we asked. After all, the administration had had all summer to prepare for our arrival.
We received the answer we were to hear again and again: the matter will be resolved.
We proceeded to deal with one ineptitude after another. Of course, that made it easy to forge a bond of friendship and alliance with Blythe and Zeke, the other American couple who had parachuted in from across the globe to find themselves similarly neglected.
Generally speaking, the end of the week allows us to shrug off our troubles and anxieties with the arrival of the Sabbath, and we had been assured that all our needs were taken care of. The school had arranged an orientation camp for the students an hour outside the city, and we were expected to participate. Horrorstory told us which train to take and where to get off. The camp, he said, was “right across the street from the train station.”
Most of his information was accurate. All of it, actually, except the last part. Across the street from the train station stood a lovely expanse of woodland, with no sign of life other than birds and rodents. There was no attendant behind the station window, either. He probably wouldn’t have spoken English anyway.
As we pondered our options, I found myself already thinking in Hungarian: the matter will be resolved.
So we loaded up the strollers and headed off in the opposite direction, only to find ourselves wandering through an industrial area almost as deserted as the woods. It would be the sundown in a few hours, and the specter of welcoming the arrival of the Sabbath in the middle of nowhere loomed ominously before us.
We asked the few passersby if they knew of the camp, but no one had any idea what we were talking about. Eventually, we flagged down a young German tourist on a bicycle. He knew no more than we did; but he took pity on us, turned back the way he had come, and set off as if in search of the Holy Grail. A few minutes later he returned. The camp was indeed across the street from the station. Just a half-mile down the road and hidden entirely from view.
So we survived our first week in Budapest, our first Sabbath in Hungary, and our first encounter with students who looked at us as if we had just emerged from the ghettos of their grandparents’ tortured memories.
***
The return trip to Budapest was somewhat more relaxed. It hadn’t started off that way, however. We had just finished loading up the strollers for our hike to the train station when the rain began to fall. A quarter hour searching for a taxi turned up nothing and left us nowhere.
Then the camp director took pity on us. Miraculously, he succeeded in cramming four adults, four children, and all our baggage into his matchbox sedan, and off we went.
Whatever their idiosyncrasies, Hungarians do have a certain passion for coming to the rescue of others. The camp director raced us to the station, somehow gathered up most of our belongings and carried them single-handed through the pedestrian underpass and into the first-class cabin of the train, which pulled up as if on cue for us to board. We hadn’t planned on traveling first class, but once there we had no interest in packing up to relocate. Aside from that, the price of $3.50 U.S. – albeit triple the second-class fare – seemed eminently reasonable; at least for rich Americans like us.
We had the entire train car to ourselves.
The money gap would follow us everywhere. On Sundays, Sara and I crossed the street from our apartment to let Jake and Abby frolic in Városliget, Budapest’s central park. Often we would buy the children giant balloons, shaped like rabbits or roosters, almost as big as they were. The locals, never shy about staring at strangers, glared with a mixture of resentment and awe at the wealthy Westerners who could afford two balloons. They cost a dollar apiece.
Our Hungarian salary was about $200 a month, which covered food and basic living expenses. That was what most Hungarians lived on. We received a separate American salary which, back in the States, would have kept us at subsistence level. But in Hungary we were able to save most of it (which had a lot to do with why we were there in the first place).
There was something unsettling, however, about being seen as rich. It was one more thing that set us apart in a country where we stood out noticeably already. And even if it wasn’t objectively true, it was relatively true; and that taught us an uncomfortable lesson about the reality of perception.
In a way, we are what other people think we are, no matter what we think we are, and no matter what we really are.
That sense of displacement tarnished the pleasure of our train ride back to Budapest. If not for us, the first-class car would have been empty. Ergo, it should have been empty. We didn’t belong there. No one did.
The train pulled into the station and we descended from our private car. Porters raced each other for the privilege, and expected gratuity, of carrying our luggage. But these were no ordinary porters. They were like the cast of surreal characters from a Federico Fellini movie. The withered septuagenarian who got to us first beat out two comrades, one hobbling on a crutch and the other with his arm in a sling.
We let him take one of the lighter bags, with which he struggled, uncomplaining, as he hauled it to the taxi stand. The cabbie demanded the extortionate price of 300 forint – about three dollars – to drive us back to our apartment, where Blythe and Zeke joined us. The work crew that was supposed to have completed repairs on their apartment was running behind schedule.
It wouldn’t take much longer, they were told. The matter would be resolved.
Published in this month’s issue of The Wagon Magazine.
The Day Civilization Began
“The Jews started it all – and by it I mean so many of the things we care about, the underlying values that make all of us, Jew and Gentile, believer and atheist, tick. Without the Jews, we would see the world through different eyes, hear with different ears, even feel with different feelings … We would think with a different mind, interpret all our experiences differently, draw different conclusions from the things that befall us. And we would set a different course for our lives.”
Thomas Cahill, The Gifts of the Jews: How a Tribe of Desert Nomads Changed the Way Everyone Thinks and Feels
It all began on the sixth day of the Hebrew month of Sivan, when Moses ascended Sinai to receive the Torah. This week we celebrate the holiday of Shavuos when, on the fiftieth day after the exodus from Egypt, the Jewish people became a nation guided by divine law and moral freedom.
In an age when individual autonomy, relative truth, and non-judgmentalism have become the lodestones of our new “enlightenment,” we would be well-served to reflect on how critical personal responsibility and a well-calibrated moral compass are as the bedrock of civil society and a healthy world.
To learn more about the Festival of Shavuos, click here.
A day like no other, a place like no other

June 7, 1967, is a date planted forever in my memory. It was on that day my family moved into the house I grew up in.
Decades later, I discovered that it was also the day when the Jewish people reclaimed sovereignty over their eternal capital after 2000 years of foreign rule.
I didn’t just grow up in the house that became my home. I saw it built, literally from the ground up. My father was the contractor, so I watched as trenches were dug for water and sewage pipes, as concrete was poured for the foundation, as wooden framing gave it shape and stucco exterior transformed it into a dwelling.
I was six years old the day we moved in. For the next eleven years, that house was the place that sheltered me from the uncertainties of life and gave me refuge from all the scrapes and traumas of childhood and adolescence.
But then something unexpected happened. I went away to college. I made new friends. I experienced the thrill of new ideas and the passion of intellectual exchange. And when summer arrived and I returned to visit my parents, the place they lived was just a house, just a way-station for waiting out the days until I went back to where I belonged.
The following year my parents sold the house. I never missed it.
But college didn’t remain home, either. Even before graduation, I felt something pulling at me, calling me to search somewhere else for home.
THE END OF THE LINE
I remember the day before I first arrived in Israel. The ship that carried me cut across a Mediterranean Sea as still and clear as a sheet of glass, utterly surreal as it reflected the color of the sky. Night descended, and the lights of Haifa glittered on the water. Israel was not my first port of call, but an inexplicable feeling of anticipation stirred inside me, a feeling that could only be described with one word:
Homecoming.
The next afternoon I was in Jerusalem; by an unlikely turn of events, I found myself being led through the stone labyrinth that is the Old City. As dusk fell on that Friday evening, I turned a corner and found myself face-to-face with the ancient stones drenched by generations of tears.
In that instant, everything stopped.

I knew nothing about my own heritage, nothing about Jewish tradition or Jewish history. I’d heard of the Western Wall, heard it called the Wailing Wall, but that was all I knew. I’d heard of the Sabbath, but the word meant nothing to me except as a holy anachronism. I wasn’t even sure if I believed in God.
But right then, as the last rays of the sun caught the top of those living stones and the mingled voices of hundreds of faithful wafted up from the courtyard, I felt an irrefutable connection to the three thousand years of tradition, devotion, and moral freedom that has kept my people alive while the countless empires that tried to destroy us have all vanished from the earth.
I had no memory of the iconic picture of the Israeli soldiers looking up in awe and wonder at the moment they liberated the Wall. But in a single moment, 14 years later, I felt what they must have felt: the vastness of infinity and the echo of destiny. I couldn’t imagine how I had lived my life without knowing what this was or what it meant. And my life has never been the same.
THE BEGINNING OF TIME
50 years ago today, according to the Hebrew calendar, on the 28th day of the month of Iyar, a small company of Israeli soldiers charged through Lion’s Gate and into the Old City of Jerusalem. Winding their way through the narrow passageways, they emerged at the epicenter of world history, at the last surviving remnant of the physical Temple from which the light of divine wisdom illuminated the world so many lifetimes ago.
The battle was over. But the war would go on.

The war goes on still: the war against self-serving leaders who oppress their own people, turning victimhood into a weapon against the tiny Jewish nation that wants only to live in peace; the war against irresponsible journalists who fabricate monoliths of falsehood from splinters of fractured truth; the war against well-meaning fools who enable the purveyors of hatred and bloodshed by legitimizing their cause; and the war against ignorance of history, which permits the loudest voices to rewrite the past.
But these are battles we will win. Because ultimately, Jerusalem is our capital and Israel is our true home, our only home. We built her from the ground up; we gave our lives for her and placed our souls under her protection. We will never abandon her; and she will never abandon us.
As long as we remember all Jerusalem stands for, we will carry her in our hearts and in our minds wherever we go, wherever we are. We will never stop fighting against ignorance and injustice, and we will never doubt the inevitable and undeniable truth of the words we cry out again and again, Next year in Jerusalem!



