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5 Strategies for Avoiding Pain Avoidance
Adapted from an article originally published by Pick The Brain.
Are you a parent? If so, you’ve probably experienced a scenario like this one:
You run to see what your too-quiet two year old has gotten into and find him playing with the snow-globe your sister brought back from her trip to Switzerland last year. Since this is not the best toy for a toddler, you smile at your child and gently take the snow-globe out of his hands.
That’s when the screaming begins.
What do you do? Do you endure the shrieking child or give back the snow-globe?
If you’re normal, your thinking probably works its way through the following steps:
1. He can’t really hurt himself with the snow-globe
2. He probably won’t break the snow-globe
3. I never really liked the snow-globe anyway
4. If he does break it, it’s no big deal to clean it up
5. So is it really worth making him miserable by taking it away?
But we’re not really worried about the child’s misery, are we? We’re more concerned about ourselves.
In the end, the odds are pretty good you’re going to let the toddler keep the snow-globe.
But the real issue isn’t the snow-globe; it’s the lesson you’ve just taught your child:
How Ants Survive Rush Hour
Adapted from an article originally published by Pick The Brain.
Who doesn’t hate rush hour? Either we’re stuck motionless in a sea of cars or taking our lives in our hands as if on an amusement park bumper ride.
Maybe we should take a lesson from the ants.
Yes, ants.
Ants are better drivers than we are. And the lessons of their highway habits offer some valuable lessons that extend far beyond the way we drive.
Reclaiming Civility
A child’s brain is like a sponge, absorbing everything with which it comes in contact. As the brain gets older it learns to process, to analyze, to interpret. And eventually it begins to slow, begins to forget, begins to lose function.
Few prospects are as forbidding as mental decline, the specter of which haunts us as we advance toward old age. And so the experts tell us to keep our minds active, that using the brain is the surest way to stave off mental deterioration.
- Crossword puzzles
- Sudoku
- Word games
- Logic problems
These are common recipes from the diet books for the mind. But don’t stop there; the more creative and more challenging, the better for your brain.
- Go traveling
- Take up knitting or gardening
- Learn Italian
- Drive a different way to work
- Get an advanced degree
Anything and everything that piques cognitive activity belongs in our catalogue of mental health activities.
“That’s all good,” says Barbara Strauch, author of The Secret Life of the Grown-Up Brain: The Surprising Talents of the Middle-Aged Mind and New York Times health and medical science editor. But the most intriguing advice Ms. Strauch has heard is this:
The French battle for ethics
What is the world coming to?
It’s truly a sign of the times when France – of all nations – is leading the way in ethics reform. This is the country that for decades has destabilized the world by selling weapons to and buying oil from any regime willing to do business; it’s the culture that embraced casual illegitimacy centuries before the institution of marriage began crumbling elsewhere around the globe; and it’s the government that has recently taken the war on terror to its beaches by banning Muslim women from wearing “burkinis,” apparently based on the presumption that modesty leads to suicide bombings.
Then there are the endless tales of cronyism, kickbacks, and embezzlement among the political elites. Former President Nicolas Sarkozy gave himself a 170% raise shortly after taking office.
But there’s a new sheriff in town – President Emmanuel Macron – whose justice minister François Bayrou introduced sweeping ethics legislation last week into a system that has shown little interest in ethics.
Among the list of proposals we find:
- A ban on nepotism in appointments to government positions
- Increased scrutiny over the use of public money
- Stronger penalties for political corruption
- A public bank to finance and control political party funds
These are all worthy and admirable steps to restore a measure of integrity to a morally dysfunctional system. But they also demonstrate how imposing the battle for ethics really is.
THE EYE OF THE LAW
There are two ways of looking at legislation in general. The more common perspective views legality as the border-crossing of culpability. On one side of the line are things I’m allowed to do; on the other side of the line are things I get punished if I get caught doing.
And there’s the rub. It’s only illegal if I get caught, the conventional thinking goes. When that attitude becomes the accepted norm, inevitably the gray area of ethical ambiguity starts to spread like nuclear fallout, leaving in its wake countless casualties of radioactive rationalizing and moral mutation.
But what if instead we look at the law as an expression of civil values and responsibilities? Then we come away with an entirely different mindset, one in which the law is something to be upheld, not circumvented. And when that viewpoint takes hold, everything else begins to look different.
Imagine if the narrative inside our heads sounded like this:
- I don’t cheat on my taxes because I’m a member of a society that values honesty, not because I’m afraid of the IRS.
- I seek out the owner of a lost wallet because I empathize with his distress, not because the law might punish me if I don’t.
- I trip the fleeing purse snatcher and return the handbag to the little old lady not because there’s a Good Samaritan law, but because I see myself as a good citizen.
THE LETTER OF THE LAW
Really, laws should only be necessary as protection against miscreants and as a guide to morally ambiguous conflicts of interest. Instead of searching for loopholes that allow us to pervert the intent of legislation, we should seek to glean the spirit that guided those who designed the law and contemplate how we can contribute to a more civil society.
King Solomon says, The performance of justice is joy to the righteous, but ruinous to the workers of corruption.
There is no greater joy than the feeling that comes from benefiting others through selflessness and service, from the sense of integrity that swells in our hearts when we know we’ve honored the values of society without being goaded by the fear of punishment that haunts the unscrupulous day and night.
So kudos to the French for their efforts to re-establish basic ethical standards in government. But to have any hope of real change, we must return to seeing the law as a foundation for moral conduct, not a snare of reprisal to be skirted at every opportunity.
After all, wouldn’t you rather live in a world where others think more about what they can contribute than what they can get away with? Isn’t the best first step to start thinking that way yourself?
Tapping the Power of Hidden Potential
From this week’s Jewish World Review
A mutated spider bites Peter Parker and transforms him into Spiderman. Steve Rogers receives and injection of super-soldier serum and develops into Captain America. David Banner doses himself with gamma rays and mutates into the Incredible Hulk.
These are the fantastic tales of American comic book culture, in which ordinary people find themselves suddenly endowed with extraordinary powers and thrust, willingly or unwillingly, into the role of heroes. Indeed, who among us hasn’t fantasized about acquiring superpowers and using them to conquer his personal demons or to save the world?
But what if it weren’t a fantasy?
In 2006, Derek Amato dove into the shallow end of a swimming pool and stuck his head against the concrete bottom. The resulting concussion left him with chronic headaches and sensitivity to light, it also turned him into a musical virtuoso. Lacking either musical training or the ability to read music, Mr. Amato’s fingers dance over a keyboard like Mikhail Baryshnikov on a stage. He doesn’t know how he does it, but his life has been utterly transformed.
His case is not unique. After suffering a head injury in a childhood fall, Alonzo Clemens began producing exceptionally lifelike clay sculptures. A 10-year-old boy knocked unconscious by a baseball acquired the ability to do calendar calculations: he now remembers every detail of every minute of his life. A 58-year-old builder became an artist and poet in the wake of a stroke. A teenage boy woke up speaking fluent Spanish after he was hit in the head by a soccer ball.
Examples of acquired-savant, or accidental genius, go on and on. Who knows what potential for greatness lies within every one of us?
ILLUMINATING THE DARKNESS
One of the most compelling episodes from Jewish history is the story of Rabbi Akiva. He was an illiterate shepherd, content with his life as a simple laborer until his wife Rachel recognized his potential for greatness. At her urging, the 40-year-old Akiva found a kindergarten teacher to instruct him in the Hebrew aleph-beis so that he might learn to read and study.
But Akiva’s adult brain found the challenge of childhood learning too formidable a task. Dispirited over his failure, he was ready to abandon his efforts. But then he came upon a large stone marred by a curious indentation. When he inquired where the hollow in the stone had come from, he was told that the steady dripping of water over time had worn away the solid rock.
“If water can make an impression on stone,” he said to himself, “then surely the wisdom of the ages can make an impression on me.”
With that, he returned to his studies. Over the course of the next 24 years, he developed into the greatest sage in the history of his people, second only to Moses the Lawgiver.
TRIAL AND ERROR
But Rabbi Akiva’s life was not without hardship. He witnessed the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem and the bloody suppression of the Bar Kochba rebellion against the Roman Empire. Worst of all, he saw the apparent undoing of all he had accomplished with the death of his many students.
At the height of his career, Rabbi Akiva oversaw an academy of 24,000 talmudists, a generation of scholars virtually unparalleled in their intellectual prowess. But something went wrong. For all their brilliance and erudition, these students somehow failed to fully absorb Rabbi Akiva’s fundamental lesson to love one’s fellow as oneself. They were not openly uncivil. But their academic accomplishment infected them with a whisper of overconfidence, which ever-so-slightly eroded the respect they showed for one another.
For such exceptional students, blessed with the greatest of teachers, this tiny flaw proved fatal. A mysterious plague began killing them off in horrifying numbers, and the survivors refused to look within themselves toward self-improvement until they too succumbed. Over the course of seven weeks, the entire academy was wiped out, and the light of its wisdom extinguished.
Rabbi Akiva might have mourned his failure and retreated into despondency. But the same resolution that drove him forward decades earlier steeled him in the face of tragedy. He renewed his efforts and, with a handful of disciples, rebuilt all that was lost and secured the future of the Jewish people.
One of his protégés was Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai, whose life and accomplishments were celebrated this week with the Jewish holiday of Lag B’Omer. Building upon his teacher’s wisdom, he brought a new light of inspiration into the world, dispelling the suffering and confusion of exile by revealing the divine wisdom of eternity with a radiance that has inspired the Jewish people for nearly 2000 years.
THE LIGHT OF PERSEVERANCE
Heroism is not solely the stuff of comic books or legend. If a blow to the head can actualize hidden talents and abilities, what does that tell us about the potential that lies dormant within every human mind and heart? We may never become Vincent Van Gogh or Itzhak Perlman, but with persistence and determination any one of us can unlock talents and abilities we never imagined we might have.
In a way, the impatient, unfocused predisposition of contemporary culture might work to our benefit. In a world where everyone thrives on instant and effortless gratification, the competition for genuine achievement grows less and less. If 90% of life is just showing up, the advantage of those who truly apply themselves grows exponential.
The real measure of success is not money, fame, or power. It lies in self-respect, and in the respect we earn from people of quality who still recognize the virtues of discipline, refinement, and integrity. Pursue those values with sincerity, and every other blessing will follow.
Right on the Left
To quote one of history’s most conflicted figures, let me be perfectly clear:
I am no fan of Bill Maher. And that is precisely the point.
No doubt he would deny it to the death, but the toxic talk show host has much in common with his own favorite target of righteous condemnation, Donald Trump.
Mr. Maher is arrogant, opinionated, abrasive, belittling, ill-informed about positions he opposes, and indifferent to nuance. He subscribes to a black-and-white worldview that disdains and denigrates anyone with whom he disagrees. For him, there are only two ways to look at the world: his way and the way of morons.
If the online quotes attributed to him are accurate, Bill Maher defines faith as the purposeful suspension of critical thinking – implying that there is no such thing as reasoned belief and that only the religious suffer from self-delusion.
He:
• Equates the 9/11 terrorists with churchgoers
• Calls religion a neurological disorder
• Fails to recognize that political dogma on both sides of the aisle can be as virulent as the most zealous religious dogma.
So what is my point? Simply this: however much I may despise the man and virtually everything he believes, it’s only fair to acknowledge when he’s right.


